the day I wanted to quit

Despite sleeping in...
having hot apple cider, fruit & granola waiting for them when they woke,
all but 2 of my children woke up in a...
 where are my pink pants, don't look at me, I don't want my apple cider hot, 
kind of mood.

Devotionals went well, but cleaning up after breakfast didn't.
Nor did the morning chores.

The cats spilled their tuna on the porch
and the dog ran away with the dish.

There was enthusiasm to start school,
but not actually do school.

Everyone needed my help at the same time,
and I couldn't keep up so I let them take a break while I worked one-on-one.
Which left some thinking that wasn't fair.


Math was horrible today, for everyone.
either they didn't understand, didn't want to do it or didn't like the way I was helping.

Someone lost their one and only favorite pencil
...and another child threw theirs across the room.

The sun was shining and the outdoors was calling us,
so we took a blanket and our books outside.

The girls were running around us in circles,
and the cats wouldn't stay off our books.

All six of the kids sat and listened to the littles Bible story,
and then answered the questions for them
...which left 2 girls and little boy, well, mad.

Someone pretended they couldn't read the words
...hoping I would let them quit, or give them the answer.
I did neither.

Ozzie wrote his name on the girls school book,
they scribbled on his.

The sun went behind the clouds and it turned much cooler,
which seemed to turn their mood even cooler.
sigh.

The only one that had finished school,
was called out to the field.

There are days when you push and days when you don't
...and I couldn't figure out which type of day this was.

I wanted to quit.
Send them to public school.
I actually started thinking about what it would be like.

The time I would have, to.....
do all those things I don't get done when you're homeschooling.
Or at least not get done with any timeliness.

I remembered the days when 2 were gone at school, 2 or 4 would nap,
and I would sit down with my melted chocolate & peanut butter with a big bowl of sliced bananas.
Relax, read, blog, watch good 'ole Young and the Restless.

Laundry was almost always done by afternoon,
my kitchen floor was clean and there were no piles of dishes in the sink.
The bathroom was spotless and beds were always made.
Dinners were planned, cooked and served on time.
Part of me misses those days.

And then it started raining on me, our blanket and school books.
We ran inside and then I heard my name on the radio to go pull the trucks in.
I put on an adventures in odyssey for the kids.

There was peace and quiet while I made dinner...
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with leftover black bean soup.

We ate dinner and everyone, who was home, helped clean up.
We took baths, put on pajamas and read a book.

I heard the call on the radio to go pick up my boy, man and grandpa from the field.
The van battery was dead, again.

Then I let the bigs listen to another Adventures in Odyssey while I put the girls to bed.
we sang songs, talked about family & said our prayers.

Ozzie told me I was beautiful and Vance said dinner was nice.
Grayson gave me a long hug and Gavin said I was the best mom ever.

I wanted to quit today, but I don't want to quit tonight.
I love being their teacher, even on the hard days.

I would miss so much of their lives if they weren't here all day
and I'm not sure I would know them so deeply if I didn't teach them at home.

I'm sure we'll have more hard days
and I'll think about what it would be like to send them to public school,
but like this one, that moment will pass.


Tonight I'm going to fall asleep tired and worn out
but crazy thankful for the blessings we have.

Oh, and really hopeful tomorrow is a better day!

19 comments:

  1. I've been reading your blog for years now, but haven't ever left a comment.  I love your honesty, you are such an inspiration!!  God bless your beautiful family!

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  2. love this post!!!  I know exactly how you feel.  I was too hard on one of mine during math today.  I was snippy when another asked me to explain something for the 10th time.  I wanted to crawl back in bed instead of reading our history novel.  Later on I got to see that a-ha moment when algebra finally made sense.  I got to read a poem my 15 year old wrote.  I got to listen to my 18 year old play the piano.  I wouldn't trade this adventure for anything!  We all just need to remind ourselves our hardest day homeschooling outweighs their best day away from us at "real" school.  I know my kiddos every mood, every need, every underlying issue.  I didn't know them like that before when they were at school for 8 hours everyday.  It is hard, tiring, some times aggravating, always interesting, adventure of a lifetime!

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  3. Cheryl Otten11/1/11, 2:46 AM

    I have read your blog for some time too, but never commented... I have 5 children and have homeschooled all through their schooling (21, 19, 17, 15, 9) so far. Just the other day I was saying to my 19 year old daughter that I will always have regrets of my sinfulness and impatience with them over the years but I have NO regrets at homeschooling them.  I would do it all over again because of what God has done in their lives in drawing them to Himself, their closeness to both myself and my husband and to each other.  It has been a wonderful journey but not without its ups and downs as you so beautifully wrote today.  Their childhood days are over so quick.  My eldest son is getting married in February and we are so close to him and I can't believe how quickly his days in our care have gone. We look forward to the changes ahead but I am SO glad I spent EVERY day with my children and know them so well. God Bless your journey as you continue to do just what God desires for you as a family!

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  4. Thank you for this post Brittany. I have 4 little lovies and homeschool, (ages 8, 6, 2 & 1) Your words were so encouraging....and came at a perfect time. God is so good in providing other honest homeschooling mama's who adore their children and cherish every moment with them. I rarely comment but just wanted to say thank you for your beautiful honesty, and I truly was inspired and refreshed. The other comments  I read were very encouraging as well.

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  5. What a great post! I hope today is smooth for you :)

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  6. blueschoolmomma11/1/11, 8:58 AM

    *snif* This post makes me miss you so much! It was like I was in your house for the day...I can see exactly who was doing what and their little pouty faces! LOL! As weird as it seems I think these kind of days are the BEST because it sort of wipes the slate clean and you get to start fresh with a whole new outlook! And more appreciation for the good things you have...xoxoxo

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  7. It's funny how all homeschool mommys have these days and we all think we're so alone when we truly know that there are others out there having the same sort of day. Thanks for being so raw and truthful in your post. Remember that you WILL reap what you sow in your kids and you will stand before the Lord someday and he will honor your sacrifices in making little disciples of your children. That's what I have to keep saying on those not-so-easy days..."I'm making little disciples. I'm making little disciples." Then, I'm back in my element, regrouping and striving for excellence. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.
    PS-(I asked awhile ago and am still curious...(totally off topic) How are you going to grow hemp when it derrives from an illegal plant? I hope it works out!!!)

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  8. I don't homeschool but can sure relate. Great post.

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  9. Rhonda Strickland11/1/11, 9:20 AM

    I've got a different perspective.  You will only be young once, and you need time to yourself to pursue your interests.  Plus it might be good for the kids to venture out beyond the family.  I'm just sayin'  there is absolutely nothing wrong with a mom taking time for themselves.  I've raised 2 kids, both homeschooled and public schooled.  The time to send them to public school is in elementary.   The middle school years and high school years are better spent in homeschooling.  So I say...  Enjoy YOUR youth while you can.  You can find the right balance between motherhood and selfhood.  Just a thought from a woman who's been there and done that.   

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  10. Gingerbales11/1/11, 9:20 AM

    You are an amazing mom who inspires others (me) to strive for better in our own motherhood adventures. My children attend public school, while there are advantages of that, we have to work extra hard at cultivating an intimate relationship between parent/child and nurturing and guiding their God-given bend. Keep it up...hang in there. I believe its worth it.

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  11.       Keeping on trucking, Brittany and realize that God is there to carry you thru those moments of just wanting to throw in the towel. It's completely normal to want to quit things that cause you the most stress at times. I can imagine running a household with 6 kids, a husband, and pets, plus a farm, school, & restaurant might cause a little stress. The good thing is that those moments of quitting are broken up with reassurances like the ones you mentioned in your posts. The little things that remind you that what you are doing is meaningful and worthwhile. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it." You are training up God's children. I want you to know that you and your family are in my prayers. 
         I am also dealing with my own frustrations and desires to quit. I am dealing with a bunch of health symptoms that are frankly debilitating and keeping me from everyday life and doctors cannot specifically identify the cause. They know I have Sjogren's Disease and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis (which are both autoimmune disorders) but they don't know what is causing me to have skin changes in color and temperature, and neverending leg pain. So my dr. is taking my case before a panel of other dr.'s for them to discuss it. If that doesn't bring answers then I will have to start traveling out of state to other diagnostic clinics. It's hard for me, because I know all of this medicine they have me on has to be toxic. I would love to be able to treat it with diet and supplements, but first I have to learn exactly what "it" is. So if you would't mind praying for me sometime, I would really appreciate it. I love your blog & your recipes. I am trying to cook through all of them. =) Like I said though, you, your husband, sons & daughters are in my prayers as is the success of the farming & schooling. God bless you!

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  12. sometimes I read your blog and am picturing your family and kids...never fighting, always helping each other out, doing their school work w/out complaint...and I am wondering what I am doing wrong :).  Thanks for sharing that your days are not always rosy...makes me feel better. Hopefully knowing that our days are always like that makes you feel better too?!
    Thanks for sharing your life and your beautiful family.

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  13. No matter how many children we have, there is a day that we would like to throw in the towel. Have a better day!

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  14. btw, if you ever throw the towel in, you are welcome to come stay with me in Mississippi. You can pack light! No need for layers here! Just a good pair of comfy jeans, a sweatshirt, and sneakers. You can bring your recipe book and a list of crafts. We can drink girly drinks and just play all day. 
    I'm just teasing you. Everyone dreams of an alternative life, like what they would be doing if they didn't have this or that responsibility or this or that obstacle to overcome. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes those thoughts are what get us through the frustrating times and on to those moments of family time that are more fun to blog about. :) But you (and your family) really are welcome to come stay in Mississippi anytime you want! 

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  15. I think all homeschoolin' momma's .... geez, momma's period ... can relate to how your day went. I know I've been there a time or twenty. Recently, even.

    {hugs} Here's to praying today went better for y'all!


    From a fellow Young & The Restless lover ;-)

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  16. I'm so glad you have days you want to quit too.  It makes me feel normal.

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  17. been there so many times and I only have 3........praise God today was a better day:)
    i love this song when I want to quit
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5zCaRaJ-kE

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  18. really and honestly - get your kids to a proper school where that type of behaviour is NOT tolerated. You are doing yourself and your children NO favours by allowing this. Honestly. 

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  19. :( rough days happen, but good days follow! 

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Thank you for blessing me with your words!

Brittany