Once upon a time

... there was a mama who used to write.
She wrote about her life as a mama to 3 little buckaroos,
which quickly grew to 4 little men
...and then 4 little men and girly twins.
They moved their family from the city to the family farm.
And mama kept writing,
writing about life on the farm
and homeschooling her growing tribe.
She shared her everyday life with thousands of readers.
Writing had become a creative outlet,
a way of connecting with others,
testing her strength and faith and surprisingly
helping her understand who she was and what really mattered.
And then baby boy number 7 was born.
Life was a little crazy and she wanted to share,
wanted to write.
But those moments slipped away without mention
...and the thought of starting again slowly slipped away.
Years past, and another baby boy joined the tribe...
The 4 little men and Girly Twins blog didn't fit anymore.
But the desire to write,
to keep adding to this little spot online that is like a family scrapbook,
that has never gone away.

So I am taking up residence again in this lonely little spot.
I may be the only one here for a while,
but that's okay.
I don't know where this new journey will take me
...but i'm guessing it won't be anything like I imagine.
Big or little.
Simple or deep.

Here we go!

just a few sparkling moments of last year

This feels so odd, yet so familiar at the same time.

Me. blogging. again.

Just say something...

It's been over a year since I've blogged.
It was only going to be a small break,
enjoy the babymoon and then come back.
But I didn't....
maybe I was too busy to blog,
or maybe I didn't know what to say.
Days turn into weeks and then months...
and the silence grew harder to stop.
How do you break the silence without giving an explanation?
And to be honest, I don't want to explain.
I don't want to rehash what we went through
...at least not in all its detail.
I want to look back and see the good, speckled with hardship maybe...
but when I look back I see the burden and pain.
Only sparkling when the sun shines.
I would much rather be in the now where the pain is tucked away neatly.
Waiting for the day when I can unfold it and finish processing it.
Now I know that's not very nice,
to tell you something happened and then not explain further.
Sometimes the mysterious sends our minds wandering into great depths,
imagining the extremes... good and bad.

I wrote this and then stepped away to check on breakfast,
and I realized I'm not trying to hide what happened.
I'm okay with sharing the story....
just not all the details and the emotions.

So as simply as I can, here it goes...
Ian was sick and is still detoxing.
He was poisoned by our home but we didn't know right away.
His entire body was covered with weeping sores,
making him look like a burn victim.
We saw doctor after doctor with no answers.
Every minute of my day was consumed with trying to find answers.
And then we found it.
Our home is built on top of a buried diesel tank.
Ian was our canary in the coal mine.
From that day to now has been a whirlwind of ups and downs for him.
We have made it so far and he is nearly 100% healed
...but detox isn't quick and never easy.

But today I'm breaking the silence.
Saying Hello and I've missed you.
I've missing writing down my thoughts and documenting our life.
I've missed connecting with other bloggers and readers.
I've really missed this place and I've glad to be back.
Although I just discovered that google reader is no more
so where all the blogs I followed have gone, I have no idea.
And if there are still more than a handful reading my blog,
I don't know that either.

But here is to a fresh start
of writing
and sharing
and connecting!

this post was 6 months in the making,
little bits here and there, never quite sure if I was ready to share.
I'm still not quite sure....
I guess after not sharing for so long it feels odd to start again.
And now... if I don't just hit publish this might take me another few months!
So here it goes. Be gentle please. {grin}