it's my blog I can cry if I want to...

too many hormones + stress = TOO MUCH
we haven't replaced our wireless router yet because we don't have the extra money so I am still without internet unless I come to the office desk.... not too comfortable
I'm officially HUGE... my belly aches and it's tender to the touch. I feel GIGANTIC!
I just found out that our health coverage ends August 31st. I'm due September 23rd so early September is still VERY POSSIBLE! Haven't really digested this one yet.... WOW!
Ozzie is on a nap strike........ NOOOOOOO!
It's HOT!
had my first trip to Labor and Delivery LATE Sunday night... baby A has been slowly moving less and less and by Sunday evening I noticed that I hadn't felt him/her move in quite a while. I knew it was either position or that something was wrong. Baby A is the one who is smaller and possibly receiving less nutrients, blood, fluid, ect. So naturally I was even more worried. My WONDERFUL friend Shelly came over and kept me company while I laid on the couch and counted movements... it was far less than the norm so we headed over to L&D to have their heart rates checked. They are both PERFECT and baby B was quite active all night... but baby A was still very still. We're thinking that it's positional and baby A is moving but I can't feel it. I have my OB appointment Thursday and my specialist appointment next Tuesday.
While I was at L&D I talked with the nurse about delivering in an OR. I am VERY nervous about this. She assured me it's NOT stainless steel bed and that there ARE sheets on the bed. However it's a large room... 4x's the size of a L&D room. There are bright fluorescent lights overhead so it's not calm and cozy like the other rooms. There are approximately 10 people in the OR while I deliver which is a HUGE obstacle for me. I am very modest and if I am distracted and worrying about those people I will not deliver well. Oh and there is no overhead mirror which is huge for me because that is how I focus. If I don't have that and there are too many people I will be a wreck! AHHHH!
We went to babies R us to pick up the car seats AND they don't carry them in the store anymore... ONLY online. uggggg! I found them online with free shipping so I ordered them already. It was just a huge pain in the butt to go all the way there with the whole family and not come home with the car seats.
We are NOT ready for the babies yet, besides not having the car seats yet, we don't have a crib (Ozzie is still in his). I haven't gotten the baby clothes out. We have our cloth diapers but don't have disposables yet... which we'll need for the first few weeks. Oh My!
I want to be mama again... play with the kids, chase them, grab them and pick them up, be able to hug them close, not say "watch my belly" every time they climb up next to me. I want to TAKE PICTURES AGAIN!!!! I am feeling so down about not taking pictures... it truly is part of me and I ache to not be able to follow the kids around and get down on the floor and take pictures of them. Couch pictures just SUCK at this point.
I feel silly to complain because we are SO SO BLESSED, God is so Good and I know everything is in his hands. It's just ONE of those days!
I am going to a movie with the girls tonight... probably the last time I get out before the babies are here. I'm sure they'll perk me up! :)
Okay enough whining from me... i'm off to get myself half way decent in my tilly tank and stretch pants (the ONLY thing that fits)
MAYBE just MAYBE we'll take a picture tonight! Ha!

50 comments:

  1. Brittany I totally know what you are going through since I was just there a few short weeks ago. It is weird to complain, but feel so completely joyful that you are bring another life into this world. We all are entitled to days like this though. God's ears are never shut and he's big enough to take a few complaints now and then. :)

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  2. Girl it is your blog and your belly and your lack of wireless router and you can cry and whine if you want to! In fact I say what's taken you so long. Blessed yes but seriously your in a difficult spot also. Not every day is great. You are human and you are pregnant and you deserve a down day or two!

    So I hope you enjoy your night with the girls but if not that's okay too!

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  3. I hope you have a good evening and just keep in mind that sometimes the more trying days provide a good contrast to the better ones. Better days are ahead!

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  4. You will have your great days then there will be days like this! Hang in there and you are not HUGE!!! You are beautiful!!!
    ~Elyse~

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  5. The end is in sight! Thinking of you. Hope the stress eases soon!

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  6. Aw girl, I wish I could come give you a big hug and tell you it'll ALL be okay! Cause it will.:) You whine all you want - twins or no twins - you're pregnant and ALL pregnant women are allowed to whine at a certain point. I used all my whining allotment up in the beginning with morning sickness, so I'm stuck like Chuck at the end! :) lol! Hang in there girl!

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  7. You have the right to "cry," that's for sure. You've done so good so far, and I'm amazed at how long it's taken for you to "cry."

    Everything will just fall into place. And as for delivering in the OR..I did too. I labored in a cozy room, then they wheeled me into the "cold, brightly lit, full of people" room. But honestly. It wasn't bad. I ended up delivering 20 minutes later. So, we were in, and then out. You'll do just fine. I hardly even noticed anyone but my husband during it all.

    And..
    I'm SOO EXCITED! It's almost here!!!

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  8. you poor girl. i totally can understand a lot of your worries. The one that I'll be praying for is the OR that you're delivering...sounds very different from the normal L&D room. Yes, 10 people is a lot...but just focus on the job of delivery and you'll be fine.

    With IVF I had SO MANY docs examine me (male & female) and for my embryo transfer I was nude and completely uncovered/undraped from under the breast and down. I also had to ahve a very full bladder which was painful and the room was FREEZING. But, i got to see my 3 day conception babies for the first time...I got to experience "pregnancy" for teh first time...and 9 mos later had 1 special and beautiful little girl. B/c you've had other babies I don't need to tell you how it is to deliver...but let yourself just be in the moment and just prepare yourself for meeting your 2 babies. I have a friend is so worried about her modesty that not only will she not allow a male doc but she even covers her face while she pushes b/c she doesn't want anyone to see her...and she misses out b/c of that. I know that once you're ready to meet your newest little ones...many of your worries will go away. I will pray for that. :-)

    Keep strong...pray a lot...and rest rest rest as much as you can. Let us take a big prayer load and God, your family & friends to be your strength!

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  9. I have never been pregnant with twins, but I know with just one baby inside the end seemed miserable. Hang in there and keep growing those babies. IMO, a pregnant woman has every right to complain.
    Also, my second child had periods towards the end where I swore to my doc that she was not moving. Of course that meant I had to have a non-stress test and everytime she was perfect. I think she was just a good sleeper even in the womb ans still is to this day.

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  10. i know it makes no difference now... but before you know it you will be looking back on all this and so glad it is over... that is the beauty of it all it sure can't last forever...

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  11. Hang in there, Brittany, it's not much longer now. {{{{Hugs}}}}}

    I was also worried about delivering in the OR and have an epidural in place. All my boys' births were natural, with very little intrusion from the midwives. Honestly though, the thinking about it before hand was the worst part; I actually couldn't have cared less who or how many were there during the actuals births (vaginal for baby A, c-section for B). I"m sure you'll do great when the moment comes!
    Hope you have a great time with your friends; my girlfriends took me out to a movie right before the girls were born and it was such a welcome change of pace.

    ~mom of 4 boys and twin girls

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  12. OH Girl, I am feeling for ya. You are so THERE. Hang on, you won't be this way forever. It does fly by, in the whole scheme of things. You will be cradling those little babies before you know it. I know words right now don't change how it feels for you. Know that I am praying for you and those little ones in these last days of pregnancy.

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  13. Oh hon. You have every right to complain. What you are going through is so so difficult. And stressful. And worrying. And overwhelming. And yes, wonderful and amazing too, but still all of the other things as well. You need to vent about it. It is healthy.
    I am a very modest laborer as well. I always had the lights dimmed in the room and minimal people, so I know how that can be a worry. Hopefully the staff will do all they can to make you feel comfortable. Maybe if you bring headphones to listen to music you can tune them all out. ??? And maybe an eye mask? I don't know what I'm talking about.
    Hang in there girl!

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  14. I've been without a computer also and I'm not even contained to a couch and I've been crabby about it. You be crabby if you want. You deserve a little venting!!
    I'm not a modest girl so I can't relate on that one. When I was in labor the Queen herself could have joined me I was just so delirious to get my babies out! I have had two surgeries this year so I know the experience you will be going though. The staff was very comforting and compassionate and it made up for bright lights and the cleaning solution smells. Hopefully you will just be so happy to see those babies that it won't matter. :)

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  15. I hope your girl's night out was just what you needed to perk you up and give you back your spunkieness. :)

    You're so close, girl! So close!

    -Andrea

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  16. You're already farther along than I was when my boys were born, I believe and I was getting pretty darn uncomfortable. Hope the nigth out is refreshing. ;)

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  17. I hope you do take a picture! I SO want to see. And we are do very very close to each other!

    Steph

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  18. Oh Britt, you are doing so well. These are legitimate worries, worries that any good mama would begin to think about as the arrival creeps nearer. I must say, you do it ALL better than anyone I know, and I mean it. You ARE blessed, and you ARE in good hands, and I can think of no better people than your family to have a miraculous delivery.

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  19. Oh Oh Oh Momma! Well, good to "hear" from you with a posting, but sorry things are not all that wonderful.

    You still have a great attitude overall. Hope your night out is awesome and refreshing! =)

    Thanks for updating all your loyal fans...hahaha! ;)

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  20. Everybody needs to vent once in awhile! And you certainly deserve to. I cant imagine being where you're at right now with the hormones and the limitations you're not used to and the car seats (lol) <---- that kind of stuff tires me out too. I always seem to hit the store right after they've discontinued or sold out of something, haha.

    You've done such an excellent job with these babies though! I know I wouldn't have held up the way you have through everything the last couple of months! And just think- by Christmas this will all be a distant memory and you'll be all recovered and enjoying your new family of six!

    But until then, feel free to "cry if you want to". We're all here to listen and support you :)

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  21. it won't be long now!!!

    I wish I could send my hubby over to help out with hooking you up.

    Can't wait to see some cute pix of you all dolled up for your night out!

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  22. oh sweetie! I just want to rush over and give my bloggy friend a hug!

    here goes...

    {{{{{{Brittany}}}}}}

    Hang in there!

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  23. Oh....by the time you read this comment a whole day will have passed and you will feel better, I hope :)

    You complain away!!! I think all your complaints are totally justified...the only other thing I'll say is I don't even know how many people were in the room when I had Hamish...I guess try to remember they'll want you to deliver in the OR for safety's sake and no other (I'm hoping that's why???I don't know that OR deliveries happen here)...

    look, good luck you are almost there...stay safe and we are all hoping everything goes just wonderfully for you all :):)

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  24. Its ok to have "one of those days" every now and then!! You are doing great, and before you know it those precious babies will be here, and it will have all been worth it! Praying for you :)

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  25. ahhh :( I'm sorry you're so uncomfortable and life is just at a stand still right now! I hope you had a great night out with your friends and it got your mind off it all for a bit. Not too much longer - hang in there!!

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  26. Hugs! It's perfectly understandable for you to feel down and overwhelemed...it's a long hard road. But, it will be so worth it in the end. You are doing great!

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  27. I hope you had a wonderful girls night. This is just a season you are in right now and it will get better!

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  28. I so can relate. The last few weeks of twin pregnancy are so difficult. I too yearned to play with my son (and I only had one!) like we used too.

    My babies slept side by side in a bassinet for along time. I think they offically slept in their cribs at 4 months.

    I hope Ozzie starts to nap again. My twins are on a nap strike right now and two cranky two yr olds is not fun.

    My prayers are with you. I truly enjoy reading your blog and wish you all the best in this last part of your pregnancy.

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  29. BIG, BIG *HUGS* for you!! I'm sorry you had such a crummy day yesterday! We're all blessed, but sometimes you just have those days. I hope you had fun at girls night and the time out cheered you up!

    Chin up! You'll have your precious babies before long and you'll be back to taking pictures! Just think of all the AmaZiNg pictures you'll be snapping of those little miracles!!

    Hope you have a wonderful day~

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  30. BIG, BIG *HUGS* for you!! I'm sorry you had such a crummy day yesterday! We're all blessed, but sometimes you just have those days. I hope you had fun at girls night and the time out cheered you up!

    Chin up! You'll have your precious babies before long and you'll be back to taking pictures! Just think of all the AmaZiNg pictures you'll be snapping of those little miracles!!

    Hope you have a wonderful day~

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  31. Hang in there one day you will look back and read this and laugh thinking what a baby I was being...LOL

    God has a purpose for our life and he is IN CONTROL of everything!

    Have a great time tonight ;)

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  32. Hope you had fun with the girls. I'm sure they helped lift your spirits! Like 4under3 said I'm amazed that you've kept haven't "cried" sooner. We all do at some point as long as you don't stay there, as long as you can see all the blessings that God has showered upon you there is nothing wrong with "crying" every once in a while.

    I too delivered in the OR it looks very scared but you are going to do just fine. You really do forget that there are other people in there. You will be able to stay calm and focused. You hubby will help you too!

    Can't wait. Your almost there!
    Tarah

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  33. Brittany...you are definitely entitled to whine way more than you do! God is good...he'll carry you through this. As far as the health ins...have you talked to them? In 2006, I was due Aug 30 and my ins was to end Aug 31 and I was very worried, even talked to doc about induction. Then found out they could not end my ins while preggo...but not sure if this was a law (we live in WA) or a policy for that ins comp. Might be worth a shot to call them. I didn't know for sure until the middle of Aug that they would extend my coverage until 6 weeks after the birth. Good luck!

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  34. You'll make it, you always do! :-) Glad you came last night...

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  35. You go ahead and whine....it's okay once in a while! A little complaining now and then doesn't mean that you don't believe God is good, or any of those other things...we are allowed to express our angst when life gets a little more difficult than usual! And, I think I can speak for all of us here, we KNOW your life is a little more difficult than usual right now!!

    Hang in there--it won't be much longer!

    Hope you have a great time out tonight. You deserve it after being confined to the couch day after day!

    Just think...in a few weeks you will have two brand new photography 'clients' who will just LOVE having their picture taken!

    Love and prayers!

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  36. You are in a hard phase. Keep our eye on the prize!

    And I hope to see a belly pic soon!

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  37. My comment was supposed to say keep your eye on the prize, not our eye.

    Every persons situation is different, it doesn't mean your is easier for you right at this moment.

    Your doing a great job!

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  38. Brittany,
    You have every right to be emotional!! You are pregnant with twins, and on bedrest, and have 4 other kids! I actually am a little releived to see that you aren't always so happy! ha ha, not that I want you to be sad....but just that you are a normal person....
    Why is your insurance ending? That is scary, deliveries and baby stuff costs a ton of money. Are you getting new insurance?
    And about the delivering in the OR, it may be scary and not the perfect place, but if something bad was to happen, believe me, it will be worth it. With Our twins, (that we are adopting, so I didn't give birth too)the baby girl was born vaginally in a regular delivery room, then the boy turned sideways, since he had all that room, and he compressed his cord and they had to take the mom back for an emergency C-section, and it took 20 minutes to get her under, and back there and to get him out! That is 20 minutes of oxygen deprivation! When he was born, his apgars were only 1, 5 and 6. He pretty much was dead and they resusitated him. Well, now they think that he probably has cerebral palsy because of what happened. That mom refused to deliver in the OR, for the same reasons you are saying, and now look at our little boy, he will struggle the rest of his life, because of her decision. So, all I am saying is that it may be uncomfortable, but believe me, you would never forgive yourself if you didn't do it and then something happened. It is worth the sacrifice.

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  39. I hope you had a fun night out with the girls. Good Luck with your appointment today, try to update us if you can.

    Hang in there, it will soon be time to deliver those bundles of joy and the uncomfortable, emotional times you are experiencing will be a faint memory.

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  40. Whine away girl! You have every right to!!!! I just stopped by because of your header. Boys! I am surviving my first boy (along with a girl) and thought I could learn a thing or two from you about how to deal. Sounds like you are kinda busy, but I will just read on & learn from you, if you don't mind. Hang in there.

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  41. You're SO close!

    You need to line up some more nights out just to have something to look forward to during this last stretch! Hope you had fun on your last one!

    Your insurance ending is a little unnerving, if that's the right word!
    I'll pray that you feel peace about it and that everything will unfold smoothly! In EVERY situation. : )

    Take care!

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  42. Aww. Here's a big hug. Sorry about the way you're feeling. Hope the stress eases soon.

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  43. I am a lurker & I too have been patiently waiting for you to actually make a complaint. You have done so so well. Be proud of yourself sweetie!
    As far as delivering in the OR. I am a doula & can offer you a few suggestions that may help 'set the mood' a bit better. You may need to ask your Dr. about the hospitals 'regulations' on these...
    Bring your own pillow or at least your own pillowcase. Most likely you will be able to keep this with you. You can also ask if you can bring in cottonballs with some of your favorite essential oils on them. I suggest the cotton balls because some momma can have an aversion to certain smells while in transition & cotton balls are the easiest way to rid the room of those smells. Some hospitals have the portable mirrors, ask one of the nurses! You never know what they may have back in the storage room. As far as the 'extra' people in there... I am sorry I know that can be really hard to deal with for some mommas. If a mirror is not available maybe you could use a picture as a visual & your hubby could hold it up for you to look at. That may help keep your mind off the others as well.
    The best thing you are already doing is voicing these 'fears' & 'concerns' so you are able to deal with them.
    Good Luck my dear.
    Here's to a peaceful birth!!!
    Beth in Texas

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  44. I hope this is encouraging... I rarely felt our Baby A... while Baby B was going nuts. The last month or so, I was hooked up to monitors once a week just to check on Baby A - her heartrate was lower and they just couldn't get her to move, no matter how much nudging they did or sugar they gave me. She was also our one that was low on fluid. But she came out perfectly healthy. She was smaller at birth, but is now a full pound and two inches bigger! They thought maybe she just didn't have room to move, since her sister was pretty much on top of her. But out of the womb, she's just a calm girl - MUCH calmer than her sister! So maybe YOUR Baby A is just content to be still :)

    You're almost there! Hang in there!

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  45. Hang in there! Only a few more weeks before you can hold all six of them in your hands. You are so blessed indeed. I'm thrilled that you've made it this far without any complications!

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  46. Hey there... I gave birth to my twins in the OR. Yeah, it wasn't all beautiful, but its comforting to know that at a moments notice, folks are already scrubbed and can take care of any emergency.

    They were just as calm and sweet as in the L&D area, and as it looked like things were going well, the masks and hats came off and there was nice music.

    The only sad part for me was that, even with vaginal birth, they were both whisked away for tests (born at 4.5 pounds six weeks early) and when I first got to really see them, they had been bathed, wired, tubed, diapered and incubated. I felt like they had no one to bond with.

    Good to know they were being checked and cared for immediately, but I felt left out of the loop.

    But the OR, other than aesthetics, was very similar to birthing in the pretty rooms.

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  47. Oh, and I was in for non-stress tests every other day, I swear, because I couldn't feel one of the twins move.

    But each time, I could see him moving on the ultrasound machine, and even with my hand on there, I felt nothing. And he was really going at it.

    So don't be too worried. Its good to check, and keep checking. But usually its fine.

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  48. I hope the movie lifted your spirits some.

    Being pregnant is hard enough, being a mum is hard enough. Those two things together are incredible. Plus you're having twins.

    You are superwoman.

    Just thought you should know!

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  49. I delivered all my babies in an OR. No big deal - REALLY!! A nurse, a Dr, an asst to the Dr., and my aneth. Then 2 nurses for the baby when out. Very comfortable, non intrusive - really!!

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Thank you for blessing me with your words!

Brittany