say what!?


as a large family with a lot of BOYS and TWIN girls...
we get a lot of stares and comments.

Some are sweet and genuine
some are bold and uncensored
some are hurtful
some are heartwarming
and some are funny.

and for the record
...a few of the things we'd heard!

"You must be crazy"
"You sure do have your hands full"
"what a blessing!
"Are you done yet?"
"Do you know what keeps causing this?"
"are they all yours?"
"wow, better you than me!"
"you must be the babysitter"
"I bet you'll be glad when they're all in school"
"are you going to be like the Duggars?"
"did you do it twice" {asked when I was preggo with the twins}
"had to keep going for a girl huh?"
"you're too young to have that many kids"
"are you catholic"
"you're going to be sorry when they're all in college"
"bless you"
"do you have help?"
"that is just too many"
"God have mercy!"
"how can you afford it"
"I bet you're sorry now"
"why someone would have so many children is beyond me"
"you have a beautiful family"
"when is the next one coming"
"cherish every moment, you'll miss it later"
"you must be an amazing mother"
"you don't have to pay for entertainment"
"how do you do it?"
"you make it look so easy"
"I would keep having kids if they were as beautiful as yours"
"are you Mormon?"
"are they all twins?"
"did you use fertility treatments?"
"you must have a big house"
"God blessed you!"


I'm sure a few of you have heard some good ones
...let's hear them!


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81 comments:

  1. haha...i loved this...i have five girls and have heard almost all of them too..my most common remark now is so are you going to keep trying for a boy?? ...Ive had someone ask me what is wrong with me?? ...or just wait until you have all them girls as teenagers...or just wait until you have to pay for all them weddings....but I have realized that people just need to say something for some reason...even if some of them are so hurtful...i have just learned to let it go in one ear and out the other bc at the end of the day they are the ones really missing out..i love having a big family and i wouldnt have it any other way!!!

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  2. So sad that people have such a negative view of large families. Children are a gift from God!

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  3. I have nine children and 6 of them are 3.5 years apart.  Currently, I have 3 20 year old sons.  My favorite quote, "If you only have one child, he/she thinks everyone loves them.  If you have more than one child, they know at least one person in this world hates them at some time."

    Mama Bear

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  4. I too have heard most of these, with our 6 children! I hear "you must have your hand full" all the time and I always reply with "YES, full of beautiful children!"

    Recently we were at the dentist where they have a TV for each person and the lady asked my son "what channel?" and he shrugged and said "I do not know, we do not have TV." I thought the lady was going to flip, for the next hour she kept bringing it up ... "WOW, how do you entertain all your kids without TV?", "No TV, that is amazing", etc... it was more than funny! At the end of the appointment I was told by several in the office that my children were the best behaved they had seen in along time ... and the flabbergasted lady said "Probably because they do not have TV!" it was just cracking me up!

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  5. Emily Humphries5/24/11, 7:18 AM

    I only have three boys but my husband is the oldest of 8 and his mom get's all sorts of weird comments. I've even gotten some only having three. Maybe it's because they are all boys who knows. I think it's great and your kids are cute!

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  6. Michellerose6305/24/11, 7:29 AM

    i've heard half of those and i only have *Three*!! my least favorite, upon finding out i was pregnant, a friend told me: "Stay away from me! I don't want to be next!" pretty sure that's not how it works anyways =)

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  7. I only have one.  My daughter is almost 9 years old.  She was born after 6 miscarriages.  People say all kinds of shocking things to me on WHY I only had one.  Some comments like; "You were smart to stop after one."  "Aren't you afraid that when you both die she will be left alone?"  Nice.  I would have loved to have more but my body could not do it and by the time I had her I was too old to start anything else.  I feel so blessed by my girl I simply choose to enjoy every moment of my single;-)

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  8. My 4th was born just as my oldest was turning 5.  One woman, that I didn't know, of course, said, "You are more  woman than I'll EVER be!"

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  9. Do you run a daycare?  I seriously can't even count on my hand the number of times I hear this one.

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  10. Your children are beautiful. You have a beautiful family. 

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  11. I had only four and got those comments.  My niece has 6 (3 by adoption) and she continually gets those comments.  I think your truely blessed.  Only comment needed.

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  12. I hear a lot of these comments and I only have three boys! LOL

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  13. Clare Berlin5/24/11, 9:38 AM

    Being the middle of 9 children, people often assume it's awful and that I would NEVER have nearly as many. To which I reply, Actually, I can't wait to have a whole dozen of my own! 

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  14. We only have three (9,7,&10 mos), but hear some of these as well. The comment that makes me the saddest is the one where someone assumes that since there is a large gap between 2 & 3 that they must have different fathers. What a sad state our world is in when this tought is so prevalent.

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  15. I have heard many of these! I only have four, yet, but they are 4, 3, 2, and 6 weeks, so I get told that I am crazy on a regular basis.  Another that I hear often is, "Were they planned?" Which I think is kind of rude. Must a baby be planned to be welcome?

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  16. We are a foster family with as many as 6 children at a time.  My all-time favorite comment was from a lady when we had three little ones that were 1 and under and 2 four year olds.  She asked me if I nursed all of the little ones at once.  I couldn't believe it!  Right now we have four 4 year olds and 2 younger ones.  They are clearly not from the same family as some have darker skin, etc but you should hear the comments people make. I think I've heard yours and then some!

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  17. Sabrinadawson1245/24/11, 10:39 AM

    I cant believe people would say anything mean like that. I absolutly love children. I am even jealous of people who have kids. I cant wait until i can have some. After a divorce, losing 2 houses and my job I can not have kids right now. I love your kids. I love that you home school them and you have a beautiful family. I hope i can have one as beautiful as yours one day.

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  18. gretchen from lifenut5/24/11, 10:59 AM

    We have 8 kids. I've heard most of the comments you listed. 

    The strangest thing is when people count us in public---in Spanish. Anyone who's ever watched Dora the Explorer can figure out what ocho means. 

    It's funny to be out in public when our 5 oldest are in school. I'll have the 3 youngest with me and I'll still hear about how my hands are full. If they only knew. If I'm feeling persnickety, I'll tell them about the 5 at school. Otherwise, it's easier just to do that nod and shrug thing. 

    Most of the time, though, people don't talk to us but they talk ABOUT us well within earshot. Like a mom saying to her tween son, "They must be rich!" Bwahahaha. Or speculating that I run a daycare. Once, when I was picking up the kids from school a group of boys asked my 10yo son if I was his mom or his daycare (I drive a big van). My son was SO confused. 

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  19. Oh my, people are so interesting.  The things they say are just so funny (and sometimes sad.)  We have three (so far) and we get "you have your hands full" ALL the time.  It sometimes makes me feel like I don't have things under control, like I must appear frazzled or something.  I'm learning to just smile and answer "we're blessed!" :)

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  20. i have heard a lot of those too. i don't have any twins but my oldest two boys look very much alike and so do my youngest two girls (and are only one year apart), so i always get asked if they are twins.  when we get asked if they are all mine, if i feel they are being snooty about it, sometimes i will say, "i have six more at home!" my sister has six children too and if we are ever together people often think we run a day camp.

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  21. I've heard some of these & I only have 3.  Is having more than 2 kids odd now? Because when I only take 2 out, no looks or comments.  When I have 3 or 4 (with our nephew along frequently), I get all sorts of looks and comments.  I LOVE when I get the "they're so well behaved" ones though.  If they only knew... lol!

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  22. I guess it goes both ways! We only have one child, so I hear things like: Aren't you going to have another one? You should give your daughter a sibling. Only children are spoiled. Do you have infertility problems? It must be so boring for your daughter as an only child. When she grows up and you die, she's going to wish she had a brotherer or sister. Only children have poor social skills because they don't have another child to interact with. It's selfish to have only one child.

    I wish people would stop judging about different family sizes.

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  23. I've pretty much heard all of those too.  Most of the time I just try to smile and walk away to the nasty comments and I am very grateful for the kind comments.  :) 

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  24. Kimberly Wyatt5/24/11, 2:24 PM

    Haha, the, "Had to keep going for a girl, huh?" comment made me giggle. And you've gotta love hearing the nice ones... "I would keep having kids if they were as beautiful as yours!" What a great compliment. And for the record, I concur with the final one. God has definitely blessed you!We only have two kids at the moment, but they are only 12 months apart, so I get my own comments... "Wow, you jumped right back into bed, didn't you?" being one of the more lewd, and, "That's so great! They'll be best friends!" as one of the nicer things I've heard.

    www.wyattzoo.blogspot.com

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  25. Kimberly Wyatt5/24/11, 2:25 PM

    We don't have TV at our house, either. My kids act so excited every time we go to my parents' house, because they have PBS. Ha!

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  26. Kimberly Wyatt5/24/11, 2:27 PM

    So true! Surprise babies are no less wonderful than planned children!

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  27. susie in minnesota5/24/11, 3:11 PM

    I was JUST going to say the SAME thing that Jen below posted!  Seriously, I couldn't have said it better! I seriously want to start an mom's club for only's.  Why not, they have them for moms of multiples?  

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  28. Oh friend, we've heard every one of those too! I laughed at the "do you have help??", cause I hear that almost every day! Wish we lived closer so we could all hang out :).

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  29. How bout, "If I takes a village to raise a child, you must need a whole country to support your kids!" haha my friend was the 4th of 9 kids. One boy and eight girls. Ironically like you said in your story about "wow you must have really wanted girls" they had their boy first and kept having girls. :) All I can say is I have a brother, but I would love a sister.

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  30. I really enjoy your blog.  Thank you for sharing.  My husband and I have twin boys who are now 13.  When they were about 2 we attended a church function at which an elderly lady asked my husband, "since the boys are fraternal, how do you know they are both yours?" I think I was too shocked to say anything.  My husband told her firmly they were both his sons without question. 

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  31. I had someone say (I have 4 children) to their child in Walmart "That is why the classrooms at school have too many children"  Grrr.

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  32. One of the biggest compliments I have ever received was from a lady at church who said...."How many children do you have?" I answered with "five", and she said...."Oh how I envy the grandchildren you will have!"  It was a wonderful compliment.  Having 4 girls, I have heard...."How are you going to pay for all those weddings?" too many times to count.  When I hear, "Wow you have your hands full."  I always smile and say..."Sometimes but my heart is always full!"  I think it's interesting, because I don't consider a family of 5 or 6 that large and definitely not a burden as many I have run into seem to....it's just a joy.  I have always thought 10+ kids was a large family but under 10 was just the norm.  And if I could have, I would have had babies until I couldn't have them anymore.  I do have a friend who has one daughter and has lost 2 sons at birth, so I never ask women if they want to have anymore children; since I don't know their circumstance.  I know that has been very hard for my friend.

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  33. My heart goes out to you.  I have had 8 pregnancies but we do have 3 kids.  I always wanted 4 but with the trouble I had both getting and staying pregnant,we just felt that emotionally it was time to stop at 3.

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  34. Jen Higgins  I get the same thing. I have one boy and people are always asking me if I'm ready for the next one. I tell them that yes, we were ready, but our baby died and now we are unable to have more. What amazes me is they always seem to look so embarrassed. If you didn't want to know, why did you ask?

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  35. (hug) I understand. I'm there, too, but my boy is nearly 3.

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  36. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:43 PM

    I am sure it goes both ways... society has this perfect 2 child ideal and anything but that is odd. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all stopped judging...

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  37. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:43 PM

    Ha! love it!

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  38. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:44 PM

    people just don't know the whole story do they! My heart goes out to you... I can only imagine what that would be like.

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  39. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:45 PM

    So sorry you lost your baby... people just don't expect to hear that... they assume life is perfect and we're just making stupid choices.

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  40. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:46 PM

    oh yes, the grandchildren comment is wonderful. I forgot I have heard that one before. Makes me grin... I can't even imagine what a blessing it will be!

    I agree... I don't feel like 6 kids is huge. Just normal. :)

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  41. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:47 PM

    Oh my, that is a ridiculous comment!

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  42. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:47 PM

    oh my, that's right up there with the "did you do it twice" comment! Ha!

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  43. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:49 PM

    oh me too, me too!

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  44. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:49 PM

    It just takes someone to start it up! {grin} We all need support!

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  45. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:51 PM

    You're so sweet! Really all the wonderful comments far out weigh the negative ones! 

    The keep going for a girl comment was a popular one every time I was preggo. I don't hear it much anymore...

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  46. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:51 PM

    Me too!

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  47. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:52 PM

    I think so Andrea. 2 is normal 3 is a little much, 4 is getting crazy, 5 is crazy, 6 is insane.... {grin}

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  48. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:53 PM

    It's always funny when people make a comment about how many you have when you only have 'some' of them with you. :)

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  49. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:53 PM

    Ha! I've never thought about appearing frazzled when I hear that comment!

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  50. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:54 PM

    oh yes, the overheard comments... those can be some bad ones. 

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  51. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:54 PM

    {grin} I hope you'll be just as blessed one day!

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  52. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:55 PM

    ha! some of those comments are a bit too personal aren't they! I did get asked bfing questions a lot when the girls were little... not something I would ask a stranger I guess. 

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  53. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:56 PM

    oh yes... planned or not babies are a blessing!

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  54. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:56 PM

    hadn't thought of that one... very true though. Our society is very accustom to divorce. :(

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  55. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:57 PM

    love hearing that Clare!!!! I always wonder what people who came from big families think now that they are grown-up.

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  56. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:57 PM

    Thank you!

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  57. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:58 PM

    Thank you!

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  58. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:58 PM

    hee-hee! Such an odd question really... do day care's usually take all their kids to the store??

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  59. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:58 PM

    that's a great one!

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  60. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:59 PM

    oh yes, the really stupid ones, at least they make you laugh they are so stupid! :)

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  61. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 10:59 PM

    agreed!

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  62. brittanyclaire5/24/11, 11:00 PM

    yeah... when you have all of one sex people can throw out some very negative comments. I forgot one... just now remembered. Someone asked me if my boys were stepping stones to a girl. boo!

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  63. i kind of like the "you don't have to pay for entertainment" comment, because I have four boys (9,7,5,3) and it's true! they are a crazy wild bunch. For the record, I would love to have a family like yours - i have prayed and prayed for identical twin girls, but never got 'em :) Four wonderful boys will have to be it for us. The more kids you have, the more brazen people become with their comments - I'm not sure why - but remember the positive ones and become deaf to the negative :) i think your family rocks.

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  64. The "Was it planned?" comment has ALWAYS bothered me.
    Also, when I had my daughter, I got a lot of the "Now you have one of each." That one bothered me because it sounded like I was collecting children, and also because the assumption seemed to be that I was finished having kids!

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  65. My husband and I have 5 children - 4 girls and 1 boy.  We've heard all the comments but I guess the one that bothered me the most was "I don't understand why people have large families and expect the government to pay for them".  Um....we don't have any government help.  We live on one income and budget our money pretty well.

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  66. We have 6 kids - 4 boys, 1 girl and a baby boy. I've actually never heard any bad comments except once when we announced our third pregnancy and a relative yelled in public, "Are you crazy?!?" (They have two children.)

    The kids attend a school where most families have 5+ kids so for us it just feels normal. A cute story- once we were driving a child from a family of 12 children to a soccer game in our passenger van. He looked at the big van and asked completely seriously, "How come you drive such a big van for such a small family?" I still smile when I think of that day and how it's all about perspective.

    Your family is beautiful. Thanks for sharing them in this blog.

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  67. I think it is wonderful that you have a large family.   What a blessing.   

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  68. I am 23 with three little girls (3, 3, 1) but I have a baby face and a lot of people assume I am still in high school. I think the majority of my comments are "you need to ask your sister" "awe, I wish my older daughter would babysit" "I bet your mom feels blessed to have you helping with your sisters"...

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  69. CONSTANTLY hear: You sure have your hands full. Have also heard, "did the daycare let out early". But the one that gets me every time (even though it shouldn't) is "You look good for having 4 kids'.

    Yep...that was my goal...to look good for having 4 kids. Ha ha ha.

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  70. My hubby is #10 of 12 - sure glad his mom had him!  :)  There are nine boys and 3 girls.  My MIL's most repeated instruction to her boys was, "Outside!  Fresh air will do you good." That was her cure for everything (and the way she kept her sanity :)).  She now has 64 grandkids (and a few dozen great-grandkids).  We LOVE his big family!  The cousins are close and love to spend time together.  Hubby and I have 5.  When we have only two with us, we often comment to each other that we look "normal," but we're so glad to be abnormal! 

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  71. People say so many things without thinking. We were married young and so since 6 years into our marriage we still don't have kids, people try to push on us that we should have "some"... like now. Well,first of all, it might be just not God's plan for us to have kids. Now or ever. Or maybe it's His plan for us to adopt later. Worst, we hear it's from people in church all the time. The last comment to my "no, we don't have kids yet..." was "you gotta do it, nothing better than it." I'm sure it is for him (And many other people), but it is not for us now, otherwise God would give us some, right? I know the guy didn't mean it in a bad way, so I'm over it, it still stings at the moment, doesnt it? I guess we are all just sinful judging people with our own insecurities and know-it-all-ingness

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  72. It is so nice to know there are other married couples out there who don't have children yet.  My husband and I got married very young as well, and while we have only been married 4 1/2 years, we too get the "so when are you going to have kids?" schpeel all the time.  We know that God has the perfect timing and are living our lives in that manner.  So for now we are enjoying just being together and know that while kids will be an awesome addition, our life will never be the same.  We are savoring our time as just the two of us... :) 

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  73. I "only" have 3 boys and I get the "you sure do have your hands full" and "you HAVE to try for your girl" all the time.  I cringe.  Sure, there are times when I, literally, have my  hands full, but I wouldn't change our family for anything!  I don't HAVE to try for a girl...I am perfectly happy with my 3 boys.  I don't feel that my family is incomplete because I only have boys.  Plus, I always worry that my boys are going to hear that and think that Mommy really wanted a girl and got stuck with the boys.  It couldn't be any further from the truth!

    You are completely right when there is this "ideal situation" that people think of when it comes to family size, etc.  A dad, mom, boy and girl.  Why is that always portrayed as the perfect family???

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  74. Even more ridiculous that it was said to a child!

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  75. I think that often we all just say the first thing that comes out, then later think, "that was really lame." I know I have done that and then pray I won't do it again, but sometimes our tongues are sure slippery little devils. The people I admire the most are the ones that turn awkward moments into smiles. You just did that in this post and I admire you for it.

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  76. Thanks All - I really do not let the comments bother me anymore.  After so many miscarriages I feel so lucky to have my girl.  We are close and in my heart it's the family I was meant to have.  She is the family I prayed for.  The Rolling Stones said it best, "You don't always get what you want, you get what you need."  I needed her face, her smile, her love. 

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  77. sixcrazychildren5/26/11, 6:34 AM

    I have six children think I have heard almost every comment said to you in your post Brittany..... it's funny, infuriating and sad all rolled up into one.

    Mostly we have people look flabbergasted at us if we go places.... but I think that's them just thinking "how on earth wold I do that?"

    I have had one fellow recently comment to me about my five sons that it was a shame I only had one girl as 'there's no way those boys will look after you when you are old.' 

    We get an awful lot of "you should know what causes that" {meaning children}, because my husband is a doctor & I am a nurse... almost with a tone of how irresponsible we are having all that sex and randomly falling pregnant {four of my children are ivf babies as my husband is infertile.it's been a heartbreaking journey over our years of creating this family to NOT "just" have sex and fall pregnant... ivf is hard hard work. {I know I have been VERY lucky but would have more children given half a chance} 

    the commonest thing that gets said to me is "FIVE sons... FIVE?? good Lord, I'm SO sorry" {yes honestly this has been said to me too many times to count}.... I now say, "... boys are awesome, so much FUN. They chase life and love every second. My life is busy but man we LIVE it. Boys are great"... most times if I happen to mention I have one daughter I get "Oh well, at least you got lucky enough to have one"... it's SO common that women make out having boys is like winning second prize   :(

    I think I could go on and on..... haha 

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  78. i loved this! I'm currently pregnant with my third, first two are 14 months apart and this one is 19 months from the second...all girls. I'm sure whatever comments you can imagine I've heard. My parents call us rabbits and I just laugh. I guess thats why its so important to have a sense of humor. Thanks for sharing this....truly blessed me

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  79. Branmaxson15/27/11, 1:39 PM

    I get this all the time! Always, asking when we are going to try again. Sometimes I want to scream at them, and others I just smile and say some day we will probably have more... :) 

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  80. Arrowspringsartistry5/28/11, 2:33 PM

    I have12 children and the comments increase!  The lastest one that amazed me, " I would rather have 20 dogs than 12 kids!  You are CRAZY lady!" 

    Why do people consider children a curse but money a blessing?! 

    Thank you for helping me know I am not alone on this journey of motherhood with a large family!

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  81. I have six and hear a lot of 'better you than me!', to which I now respond, 'You're right!'. haha! I've also been asked if I was Moromon & if I'm done.  People on Facebook think it's okay to make cracks about my fertility all the time. The only ones that hurt are the ones that suggest we are just white trash. Of course, I know better & love my kids SO much! If I were younger I'd probably have more! :)

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Thank you for blessing me with your words!

Brittany