My eyes have been dripping with tears since Tuesday morning… tears of fear, pain & joy. The overwhelming love that swells my heart is beyond words… our baby girls are here and they are so amazing. I look at them in complete awe about….uh… 500 times a day. I am desperately trying to keep my focus on how blessed we are but I have to say it’s been HARD! The pain that is flowing through my body is unbelievable… comparable to nothing I’ve felt in my whole life.
I can’t tell the story here right now… but I can tell you my physical pain is from a dislocated fractured sternum, dislocated & bruised ribs, possibly dislocated & bruised clavicle, abdominal tissue & organ swelling & I haven’t even been to my chiropractor yet. I can not even imagine how screwed up my back & neck are… they ache so bad. I see a specialist tomorrow to do in depth x-rays to asses the full damage. I only had one x-ray and one cat scan at the hospital… I was unable to do further cat scans on my organs and pelvis because they would have insisted that I pump and dump for 48 hours and that was not an option for me. We are decently sure that I don’t have organ damage besides swelling. They did blood work and if I did have severe damage I would have been able to tell. [I hope]
I can not even describe the emotional and physical pain. I am unable to even pick my precious daughters up. I have to have help to get off the couch or sit up in bed. I can’t lay down on either side or flat on my back. Paul has to help dress me. Picking up a glass of water, my camera, my plate of food is so painful. I can’t laugh, cough, sneeze, sniff, yawn, cry, talk loud or take a deep breath without excruciating pain. I feel like I have been robbed of so much. I’ve waited so long to be able pick my boys up again and give them a huge hug… and now I still can’t. It hurts my heart so much. I’ve been excited for months about the thought of being able to babywear these twins… that has flown out the window along with so many other hopes and dreams for these first few months.
The river of pain is deep, wide & bitterly cold… I know God will walk beside me and keep me afloat it’s just so hard at times.
I’m off to cuddle the best I can with my miracle baby girls!
I haven’t been able to take many pictures… I really can’t even hold my camera. But Paul has been taking pictures and I’ll be putting some up very shortly.