Thank you to everyone who read and commented or emailed about “it’s just hair” . I DO feel a little better having it off my chest and knowing I’m not completely insane. With that said… I should also say. I really do love my in-laws… they truly are wonderful people and they love us and our boys. I will forgive them and I won’t let this causing lasting problems in our relationship or the relationships with our boys. I’m not one who can just live side by side with someone, not caring either way, just writing them off as “family or in-laws or such”. I won’t “deal” with my in-laws… or have a fake relationship with them. They are family, they are my husband’s parents and they are my boys grandparents… those aren’t just names they are meaningful relationships. I want to be a real family and truly love and value each other. You always hear about in-law problems and such… I don’t want it to be like that. That is why this is such a huge issue. It hurt me, Paul, Vance… and we have to figure out how to work through this as a family who DOES love each other.
I AM still very upset and I haven’t talked to them yet… Paul and I haven’t had a chance to sit down and write something out together. But we will…. And we will confront them about this. As much as I want to just forget about it since we don’t see them very often I know we can’t. So onward we go………….
Again thanks for the support everyone… Like Aleah said, it’s like the 50’s neighborhood feel around here. J
Finally have a moment to post some thoughts... sorry for the delay!
ReplyDeleteThis post really upset me. I guess because when it comes down to it they have made Vance feel "less than". For a grandchild, being perfect to someone typically happens with the grandparents. The kids can get away with everything, have a compassionate ear, and are sent home where the rules and breaking rules with mom and dad happens. But to the grandparents, the child should be perfect and never be made to feel less than anything but. Vance will have a long life of peer pressure and outside influence and I feel he should get to dictate how he wants his hair, within reason of course. He needs to be shown love and support no matter what choice he makes with how he likes his hair. This is how he will establish feeling good about himself and who he is. That is what life is all about after all right?
And don't even get me started with them throwing a wrench in between you two, that was just wrong. Their own insecurities about who they are and what they want the grandchildren to look like is a pathetic excuse for what they did.
You both need to just lay it out there from the heart: you are the parents and you will make the decisions. They need to respect that. They certainly raised their son with enough ethics to raise his children "right" and need to trust in that. Life is far too short to cause grief over something like hair. It is just hair... but the bigger picture is definitely an issue.
Hugs and Love
Let us know how it goes!
Sarah
Glad you feel better and you right, you need to talk to them or it will be beginning of a wedge that will prevent you from being a close family that loves and respects one another.
ReplyDelete:-)
I'm glad you feel a little better also.
ReplyDeleteI love what momto13 had to say about the whole thing....