continued...

to read parts 1 & 2 read here & here

It was a warm, sunny August morning. I remember standing in the kitchen, with my giant belly full of babies, giving hugs and kisses & walking out the door on my way to my specialist appointment. I wanted to drive the van, but at the last minute my husband convinced me to drive his Honda civic. I stopped by my dear friends home, only a few blocks away. She was standing in the doorway as I walked up, grinning at the sight of my enormous belly. I handed her a gift and hugged Gavin as he ran inside with his friend. I took the back way, down a windy road. It was beautiful and peaceful. I talked with my dad on the phone, asked how I was doing & told me of us extremely busy day. We got off the phone and then Paul called. He just had to tell me that he had just cracked a double yolk while making the boys eggs for breakfast. I smiled, he told me he loved me & after hearing the seat belt chime, he told me to buckle up. And I did. I came to the end of the windy back road and pulled out onto the busy road. Traffic was steady. I remember sitting at a red light, the light turned green, I shifted into 1st and started down the road. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw the large SUV that was behind me at the light, just sitting there, the driver appeared to be looking down, at a phone. The traffic in front of me slowed and we all crept to a stop at the next red light. I glanced in my rear view mirror again and saw that large SUV barreling down the road, the driver still looking down. I knew what was going to happen.....

She hit me, she hit me hard and my whole body flew forward & gigantic belly, full of babies slammed into the steering wheel. My chest screamed, my belly contracted, my whole body trembled & tears welled up in my eyes. I think I called 911 & then Paul. I knew I was okay, but knew something was wrong too. She had smashed the trunk into the back seat & pushed me a few car lengths into the car in front of me. The man in front of me came to check on me, his eyes were as wide as saucers when he saw my giant belly smooched between the seat and the steering wheel. My belly was still contracting, hard, and I couldn't feel my usually very active babies moving at all. The ambulance arrived, they tried to find the babies heart beats, but couldn't. Those few moments felt like hours, the fear, the pain, the emotions... at last I felt a slight movement. I took a deep breath as a sigh of relief & the pain brought tears to my eyes. Something was wrong. But what?

In the ER they asked me a few questions, quickly, and sent me straight to Labor and Delivery to make sure the babies were okay. I remember seeing Paul with baby Ozzie in his arms run around the corner with Grayson & Vance following behind. They monitored the babies, they seemed okay, slightly stressed but okay. My dad arrived, his extremely busy day had amazingly canceled, one by one, and now he was here. He took the boys and we headed down to have a detailed ultrasound to check my placenta. I needed to use the restroom before the ultrasound. As I tried to stand up from the wheel chair I gasped in pain, Paul opened the door & I walked in. I sat down & pain screamed through my chest. I tried to stand up and more pain. I walked to the door, tried to open it & the pain took all my strength away. I called for Paul and he opened the door for me. The pain was overwhelming but all I cared about was my babies. The ultrasound showed that my placenta had not yet erupted but was showing signs of pulling away from the uterine wall. My belly was contracting more and more, by body knew and I knew these babies were coming.

My chest hurt, it hurt more than I could have imagined, but I was in labor, there were babies coming & it was just sore from hitting the steering wheel right?! Labor progressed and it was time to deliver our babies. I had no strength left in me, I couldn't lift myself to push, I couldn't hold a deep breath. Filled with God's strength and with my husband & anesthesiologist pushing me forward I pushed 2 perfect babies girls out, one little breath at a time. They were alive, I was alive & God held us all in his arms.

continued...

to catch up on the 1st part read here

I should back up just a tad...

Life was lovely. After the rough road we had just passed we felt for sure things were going to be smooth for a while. A great job, a rejuvenated marriage, 4 amazing sons & a BABY on the way. Little did we know what God had in store for us...

We didn't consider the possibility of twins a reality. And only slightly thought about it after Gavin, then 3 1/2 years old, told us that "mom has 2 babies in her belly". On the 25 minute drive to my 1st ob appointment, the one to tell me I'm already 4 months pregnant, I had this feeling. What if it is twins?! Since my first pregnancy we had joked about having twin girls. It was a great joke at my big preggo belly and extraordinary capabilities of having boys. But it was just a joke, a 7 year joke, one that wasn't likely to come true. Right!?! I remember my ob turning on the ultrasound and saying "let's see how many babies are in there". Moments later, she stammered out the words "oh my, there are two in there"... there were indeed 2 babies in my belly. I was elated and completely overwhelmed with joy. Then she said "but this is very concerning". My heart sank. Our babies were likely sharing the same amniotic sac with no separating membrane which would lead to a very high risk & possibly fatal pregnancy. She handed me a pamphlet and told me we'll just have to wait and see what happens. sigh.

I left that her office that day in tears, tears of joy, tears of fear & tears of faith. This was the beginning of a journey of faith & complete surrender of my fears. What happened over the next few weeks was nothing short of amazing. I spent hours researching and hours praying. God filled me with an amazing peace and extreme confidence that our babies were fine, that they would survive and that they were girls. It was like nothing I had experienced before and one I can hardly put into words. I was so sure that our babies were going to be okay, I only shared the saddening news with a few friends and family.

Weeks later I left my doctors office in tears again. Our babies were developing perfectly with a one-cell thick membrane separating the amniotic sac that they shared. The next few weeks were wonderful, I felt great, the babies were developing perfectly, my husbands job was going great... with the slight exception that they were having a horrible time getting our insurance up and going.

Besides the usual worrisome news doctors talk about with high risk pregnancy, mine was going great, and then I hit the magic mark. My cervix was thinning a bit too quick and around 24 weeks I was put on "modified" bedrest. I wasn't too upset, my doctors had warned me this would likely happen & we had kind of planned on it. What we hadn't planned on was my husband losing his job. Within days of being put on bedrest my husband walked into our home, in the middle of the day, with a complete look of despair on his face. This seemly wonderful, secure & honest company had done the unthinkable. There was lying, cheating & scandal and my husband had become the scape-goat for his boss who was waist deep in trouble. We were angry, hurt & in complete shock. My first thought was "insurance!" and then, as I usually do, I looked at the bright side... he was home, I was on bedrest, we needed him and now he was here. God can use this hardship and bring blessing.

Within weeks my husband had found another job, working from home, it was truly a blessing. We sailed through the next couple months. There was insurance trouble, a messy house, a slightly stressed dad trying to work from home & a few little worries about the babies but we were going to be okay. I kept saying "just wait until I have the babies, I'm going to be up and going, you're going to be able to find a full time job outside of the house" It's going to be awesome!

and then one day in August, my whole world was shaken...

introduction

Some of you know me well, some of you know a few things about me & some of you know hardly anything about me. I'd guess that the majority of you are in the latter category. My blog has become more a part of my life than I ever thought it would. It has become my almost daily outlet for documenting our family life, a savored spot for distant family, a place where friendships have bloomed & a source of my personal growth. For all of this I am so blessed and so thankful. I know some of you have been here since the early beginnings, and a few came along around the time the girls were born, then there are those who have joined us these last 2 years. With that I thought this would be a great time for an introduction of sorts. {grin}

I was born in the South in the early 80's to 2 amazing people. Sadly, my parents separated when I was 3 and I moved to the midwest with my Mother. My ever-devoted Father thankfully followed soon after. My Mother remarried when I was five to another amazing man. After 6 1/2 years of being an only child my 1st brother was born, exactly 2 years later my 2nd brother was born. I was raised in a wonderful, loving, Christ centered home. I went to public school, sang in the choir, took ballet, jazz & gymnastic's lessons & loved school for the social side. I wore bell bottoms, leather motorcycle jacket {that I still have} Birkenstocks and later platforms. I straighted my hair & never wore it curly until my sophomore year. I drove a tiny red manual sports car with tinted windows & an awesome stereo system. We ate what I would call the S.A.D {standard american diet}. I remember eating fish sticks & tater tots, lucky charms, Campbell soups, frozen pizza, pop-tarts, bagels & cream cheese, ice cream, ect. I'm sure you get the idea. We didn't just eat junk, my parents served veggies at most meals & generally tried to serve a balanced diet. I had a TV in my room and my own phone line. I remember using the phone a lot more than the TV. {grin} Overall I had a wonderful childhood and was surrounded by an ever-loving family.

I met my husband when I was 14, he had just transfered from a private school after years of begging his parents for the opportunity to attend public school. He drove a black dodge ram and raced dirt bikes. It was love at first sight. {grin} We dated for 6 months before his family moved to the south. 6 months later my family moved east. We were still dating long distance, off and on, mostly on. My senior year my future husband left the south to come live near me. I graduated highschool early. I was an intern for a bridal gown designer, I wanted to go to collage to be a fashion designer. God had other plans and I am incredibly thankful for that.

My husband and I were married 6 weeks after I turned 18, shortly before turning 19 our first son {Grayson} was born, 2 months after turning 19 we bought our first home which was the home we sadly left last spring. The day after I turned 20 our 2nd son {Vance} was born, 2 weeks after turning 22 our 3rd son {Gavin} was born. I had 2 miscarriages in between Gavin and Ozzie... one at 15 weeks and one at 5 weeks. 10 months after my last miscarriage our 4th son {Ozzie} was born. We were unsure if we were done having children or not but felt a very strong desire that we were not done shortly before becoming pregnant with the twins. I was 26 when our twin girls {Eliza & Nolia} were born.

Looking back I have changed dramatically as a young mother to now. We were young parents, young marriage, young home owners, my husband was a young well paid IT professional and we felt we had a lot to prove. I read books on babies, marriage, homemaking & nutrition after a near cancer scare. I tried to do it all and do it all perfectly. We continued to add to our family, my husband continued to pursue his career and we kept on striving for the ideal life. We had 3 children in just over 3 years. Our home was almost always spotless, I attended 2 mom's group and was the assistant leader to the local MOPS group, my husband worked 80-120 hours a week, the boys took karate classes, I took yoga at the local arts center, we had money to live a very comfortable life and all seemed fine. But it was just that. Fine. We were living the American dream and felt happy but somewhere along the way we hit a wall.

My husband was working too much, I was trying to be too much, do too much, prove too much, we thought we needed too much and our easy life started to feel much harder. Around this time my husband made a job change, which at the time looked like a step up, moving further from just another big corporation to something that would really become a fulfilling job. From one step to another my husband continued to climb the ladder, 2 rungs up, 1 rung down. For the first time we had trouble adding to our family, which only made things feel harder. We pressed on, because that was the life we wanted. Or so we thought we wanted.

After our 4th son was born times became tough. I needed my husband home more. He needed me to stop trying to do it all and focus on him more. I needed him to focus on us more. We both became bitter at each other for doing what we thought was 'the best for our family'. He had a career to keep up, I had 4 young children to take care of, a house to keep immaculate and a busy life to live. We needed each other more than ever but our well intended choices were keeping us apart. It was a cycle that just kept on going until it broke. Looking back I guess it was just the beginning of the brokenness that would follow.

My husband left his unsatisfying, overworked, underpaid job for similar job that required fewer hours and less stress. It seemed like a great move. I took a serious look at myself and the mother and wife I had become. I was a wonderful mom, a loving wife & a great homemaker. Unfortunately I had never let go of that pressure that I had put on myself as a young mom that had to prove herself. And until that moment, I didn't even realize that was my driving force. Needless to say my husband and I had a lot of "ahhhh" moments discovering where our choices and actions were leading us and where our true priorities laid. We started slowing our life down, refocusing & finding true joy again.

Our life seemed to be gliding right back on track, with much ease & satisfaction. My husband made another job change. One that promised to be for the long haul, leadership in a company with a firm foundation & a job that would be fulfilling financially and mentally. We decided to continue to add to our family and sure enough, we soon discovered we were pregnant with twins. Life was lovely. After the rough road we had just passed we felt for sure things were going to be smooth for a while. A great job, a rejuvenated marriage, 4 amazing sons & twins on the way. Little did we know what God had in store for us.....